Just so amazing <3

I’ve taken the same ride too many times.
I could fall asleep in the loop.
I know the clowns wipe the fake, makeup smiles off their faces once the show is done.
I know the lions sleep in cages at night.
I know the tightrope walkers have blisters on their feet.
I know the ringmaster doesn’t believe in what he yells to the crowd anymore.
I know the strongman, isn’t as strong as he once was.
I know the candy floss has always been, just sugar and air.
You are the only reason I come back here every night.

(written by I Wrote This For You, music by Dan Rodriguez)

never thought those three words were so hard to say.

And that is school for you. It makes you work harder faster better & stronger. When you meet changes, new school new friends new lifestyles or whatever, much as you not like it initially, you are forced to accept things the way they are and make the best of what you have. And then you’ll be happy.

Even if you feel like you stick out like a sore thumb or you feel lonely in a crowded room, believe that wherever you go, you’ll find people of your type.

Staying positive does help, I switched off the emo mode and things have gotten much better this week. Big step forward, and for that I’ve stopped resenting school.

Ernie’s koi cacao berry, lunch with yiping, studying with joce and cheryl’s random visit totally made my tuesday not so bad after all :)

1. getting upset over how you chose the wrong uni
2. missing friends, talking to them, and missing them all over again
3. thereafter knowing that you’ve shitloads of work to do and struggle to do Financial Accounting 101 homework till 4.59am

MY BALLS ):

and prior to that loiter around your void deck past midnight thinking about choices and whether you made the right one.

UGH. HATE THIS FEELING ):

It’s true when they say what goes around comes around. Is it wrong to care a little too much? And is it wrong to let someone tear down your walls, even though it leaves you with nothing at all?

Insecurities.

It’s my third week into school, but well. I’m not that into school. Haha pun intended. Really miss the whole school environment in JC, the feeling of having somewhere to hang out after school with a close group of friends aka the canteen, being able to slack around in the first few weeks of school and not having to meet such tight datelines, not having to fuss about what to wear to school.. I guess it takes time to get used to uni life.

And the whole class part thing doesn’t come naturally, I can’t seem to bring myself to open up in class. Sucks when every lesson you’re graded on how MUCH you speak not how WELL you speak, my (non-existent) balls somehow shrink to nothingness during lessons. WHERE ARE YOUR GUTS WOMAN ):

Stress stress lots of tutorials and readings to do, plus upcoming projects and presentations. NOT GOOD. Life in other schools seems much happier, with all the hall activities.

But anyway, a new friend I made from my TWC class gave me a brownie that she baked today, which today made my day :) We barely know each other but she knows I love baking and brought some for me to try. How sweet, really.

Spending the afternoon with Ernie tomorrow after school and after his movie outing, change in venue for once :) I’m getting bored of NSC, hah.

Anyhows, have been really busy with pre-uni camps and random stuff. YOG’s opening ceremony tomorrow, gonna perform under Oschool. Somehow missing out on the final preview on Wed b’cos of Convocation doesn’t help the fact that I don’t even feel the hype of performing at such a big event.

Don’t feel excited at all, for tomorrow. It’s either the DMS syndrome or something else that is affecting me quite a bit. Passing remark made sometime back that has been manifesting itself in my mind ever since. Not good at all :/

Just to top it off, bidding’s still unsuccessful even after third window, sigh. Tough times.

Bangkok trip was pretty fun, did a fair share of shopping, eating and thai massages. We stayed at ‘My Hotel’, it’s pretty near the bus stop that got bombed just last Sunday which really was such a close shave.  Imagine if we pushed our trip back by a week, I might not even live to be typing this. Thank god for our safe return.

Day One was spent at Chatuchak, spent an entire sweltering afternoon combing through the rows of shops before rounding off the day with dinner at.. KFC. Haha. Not that we had a choice, cafes in town seem to close really early after the series of bombings. For those who are not in the know, Bangkok is still declared under the emergency rule which explains why the streets seem to be rather lacking of the usual hustle and bustle especially at night.

Day Two was spent at Platinum Mall, shopping heaven for Berni and me (Si Jia’s still a budding shopaholic, heh) and we ended the night with a good and cheap zi char dinner at Suan Lam Night Market. There were live bands performing, hooray for the great music food and company :)

Day Three‘s morning was spent at Chinatown, wasn’t expecting to do any shopping there but we chanced upon a handbag wholesaler, the prices were too good to resist so there we go. Really happy with all my buys thus far, except for a tie dye dress that I regretted getting. The rest of the afternoon was spent at Siam, we saw the aftermaths of the riots. Burnt buildings, walls that have been holed in and even one building that appeared to have an entire chunk blasted off. Scary sight, even though life seems to have returned to normal for the locals.

Day Four was just some last minute shopping at Platinum Mall, lunch at Pantip Plaza then lazing around at the airport. Home sweet home, I’m happy to be back. Miss the freedom to text and call as and when I wished to, and the daily chats at night especially.

2 days till I turn nineteen. I’m excited already :) For the hotel sleepover and for Wednesday’s outing!

ps. Caught Inception today with Shimin and Yiyue, it’s a really good show. Notice how Leonardo DiCaprio seems to have an affinity with such mind eff-ing movies, previous one was Shutter Island. Love them both. Managed to catch up with our dear (insert english name that starts with a C) Sun, whom I haven’t seen in god knows how many donkey years :)

“are penguins mammals or birds?”

GOSH. GRAVE MISTAKE.

But anyway, I had an awesome time catching up with my favourite girls of all time :)

#1-4, lunch and post-lunch binging at Spruce and Cine with Nat
#5, dinner and B&J with Val & Erica
#6, just cos I miss the retarded boy :)

OCS Social Night tomorrow, I agreed to be someone’s blind date. I’m hoping it’d be fun. Last 2 days before I fly off to Bangkok!

Tuesday to Thursday was SMU’s FTB Camp, twas a blast! My og’s pretty awesome, nice mix of guys & girls and everyone’s nice and fun. It’s funny how we could click so well, had HTHTs on both nights till morning and everyone shared really interesting stuff. Relationships, abortions, even discussed GP topics. Amazing huh. It’s nice how everyone dared to share such meaningful and thoughtful stuff even though we knew each other for less than 48 hours.

And we already had our first gathering, just a weekend after camp ended. Love my chilli padians :)

Friday was Railway Day, with Berni and Shimin. Had nasi briyani and teh tarik at the Tanjong Pagar Railway Station, it felt like we were already in KL or something when we were there, cos everything from the signboards to the menu was in Malay. And I had to order the drinks in Malay.

Saturday was the Acad Writing test, we were given 2 hours to analyse 3 articles and write an essay. The topic was on heroes, about what defines one. It’s been ages since I’ve written anything of such length, so well, hopefully I’ll do okay. Fingers crossed!

Went ice skating in the late afternoon with Ernest and friends. Erns was having a sweat fest, I never knew anyone who could emerge from the rink looking as though he just ran a marathon. Beats me why it even takes so much energy to ice skate, haha his shirt was soaking wet with sweat at the end of the first hour. Gross!

Watched the fireworks along Kallang River after dinner, it was like countdown 2 years back. Just that this time round, it was ten times more special.

:)

I knew when we collided, you’re the one I have decided who’s one of my kind